Ramona Crasto

Returning to Kuwait was so exciting; I have a perfect job, life and family. All that I could wish for, I have. But all of a sudden, a deep feeling of fear crawls through me, raising my heartbeat. Every day there is a new attack, every day thousands are dying. I fear violence. Strange but true, every time I step out of my house, I am scared. Travelling alone, traveling anywhere scares me. Like me, billions were raised in a lifestyle that saw minimum violence; we had playful summers and snow-fighting winters. Just like the temperature, these terror attacks still give me goose bumps.

I start to wonder if I am safe. Will there ever be peace?
After the recent attacks, I told my friend that I am having a hard time. There is a fear inside me, accumulating on a daily basis. She said that I was suffering from Thenatophobia, meaning fear of violence. Suffering? It’s a feeling so many people experience daily. This statement alone makes my stomach sink, thinking how many children must have walled-off their heart without sharing a word of their fear.

Is the future generation going to be born in such a world? Kids learn what they see. Scary, annoying, but true. I grew up watching Superman and Batman save the world, and I am still a fan of Ironman. I always thought good triumphs over evil. Well, does it? Is there an end to this? Will future generations grow up witnessing this ugly side of our world?

Someone asked me where I see myself in 10 years. Well, some place peaceful, rather alive. I agree not every country has faced an attack but how do I convince myself it won’t reach my door step? Every time I take a bus in broad daylight, I am scared of people, being a young girl, we face weird experiences that make us suspicious about people. This fear can also fall under the same category.

Unknown people showing friendly gesture no more makes me happy, all I feel is suspicion, whether they want to hurt me or abuse me in any way. This constant fear of something bad that is going to happen is what has become a prison world for us which we cannot even see. For instance, we avoid empty streets, avoid traveling alone after noon, keep our close ones informed about our whereabouts, keep ourselves busy in our phones while traveling, avoid making new friends easily even though we travel with the same commuters for years. This world that we have made for ourselves is a prison, however liberal we become. We still live in a cage to be safe from someone or something.

The world is ready to face attacks from aliens. What about the ones that we live with? The circle ends with the same question: Are we safe? Is there an end to this? And by that I mean in the right way. Innocence cannot pay the price for inhuman acts anymore. At first, I was scared of isolated bags and suitcases; somewhere deep inside I prayed it shouldn’t turn out to be what I feared. But now, everything scares me; if vehicles can turn into weapons, what else should I not expect in this developing world of ours?

Attacks and war are everywhere. Is everyone waiting for the apocalypse, wondering if that is the start of something or an end? I pray for all the souls, especially those young spirits who were the future of this world. Their souls seek justice. Not for the living but for the sake of the dead, someone has to stop these acts. We don’t need super powers to become superheroes; it is the power of our determination that makes us one. I am sad to live in a world where villains exist, but no superheroes!
By Ramona Crasto
local@kuwaittimes.com