Many seek the key to happy marital life. Some think it is in the money. Others see it in romance. A question remains about young people coming to marriage: which is more successful, the marriage resulting from love or that based on mental calculations and better to be arranged?
Kuwait Times spoke with young people to learn more about their ideas of love and arranged marriages. It seems the jury is out on the question. Though more and more youth are turning to love matches for their life long happiness, others still see the value and importance of an arranged marriage.
Love and all its derivatives
Love matches aren’t always that exactly. Sometimes what is meant by a love match is simply that the youth in question have more input on the choice of a spouse. It may be someone that they already know or are already in love with. But it may also be simply that they are not being forced or merely accepting that their parents will find the right person for them. Instead they are involved in the choice and in fact hold the final decision, yay or nay.
Khaled Nassar, 34, a married man, did not agree with Abeer where he sees the marriages. He thinks marriages based on love as more successful than arranged marriages. “The love story is full of feelings and romance, and marriage will continue with love. Traditional marriage often fails or remains rigid between the husband and wife because of a lack of feelings that create the atmosphere for the continuation of life, to avoid clashes.”
For Bijoy Rajan, 25, single, said: “The marriage of love prepare us for a beautiful and stable life. Feelings and emotions make the parties succeed in their married life and the problems disappear. Even if certain problems occurred it would be easy to contain them. My older sister had a rational marriage from a man who was older than her 15 years and because he was a rich man who she thought that she will be happy mistook in married life, but her dreams went wild and the differences began to creep in and their relationship ended with divorce.”
Arranged marriages, more stability?
At the same time, many youth continue to appreciate the value of their parents’ wisdom, especially when it comes to stability in life.
Abeer Waleed, 20, a single young woman, said: “The arranged marriage is more successful than the marriage of love because of the economic conditions always prevent the continuation of the emotional relationship and the termination of marriage, as many cases.”
She added that romantic time is over. “Today, young people cannot achieve the needs desired by any girl, so most of the girls of this generation – and I am one of them – are looking for a husband who provides the basics of life and requirements more than looking forward to a romantic husband,” she said.
Rabab Banasan, 27, married, said: “My marriage was arranged by my mother. But marriage is a destiny we cannot escape it. So a proper basis must be laid for it, and this basis does not depend on emotion without reason or mind without passion, the heart cannot resolve the matter in isolation from the mind,” adding that when a girl or young man lives a love story before marriage, she is full of emotions where she cannot think clearly, After the marriage many problems may appear on both sides that is when the marriage will start to collapse. “I believe arranged marriages are more successful because you have the chance to think with reason and develop emotions toward the future person who will share the life,” she explained.
By Faten Omar