What changes in your marriage when you have kids

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Hassan and I constantly get asked how we maintain a healthy and happy marriage now that we have two beautiful daughters in the picture. How do we take care of our children, take care of ourselves, and connect as a couple?

Becoming parents was honestly the biggest blessing to us, but it also came with a lot of challenges along the way. It was very emotionally overwhelming at first and there was a lot of fear involved. Because of the busy lives we lead, during our free time all we want to do is spend as much time as we can with our kids. However, the more time you spend on your kids, the less time you have to focus on the well being of your partner as well as your marriage. Being so busy, it becomes easy to start neglecting each other.

To maintain a strong marriage you will have to take the first critical step: You must be willing to put in time, effort and thought. The surprising thing is that this doesn’t have to take any extra time in your busy schedule; all you need is a change in attitude and a committed focus.

Finding time to spend with each other is crucial to a healthy marriage. We find that spending quality time together even if it’s as simple as just talking or laughing, whatever it is as long as we’re having fun together, can make such a huge difference. Don’t set the romance expectations too high on a day-to-day basis. Simply sitting on the same couch while watching TV counts as quality time. Also, planning date nights is something we love to do. When you do go out, try talking about things other than your kids. The point of getting out is to remind yourself that you’re more than just parents. Connecting with each other is the best way to refresh and allow you to be a better and more loving parent.

There’s also a lot of stress involved with parenting and if issues aren’t dealt with properly, this can allow you to take it out on each other which could potentially hinder the marriage. In any relationship there will always be disagreements or conflict.

The key is to decide which issues are worth fighting about and which are better off ignored. Take a minute and think to yourself “How important is this? Is it worth picking a fight over?” Make it a habit to ignore the little annoying things and choose to focus on the things that make you smile. By doing this, you’ll find much less negative energy between you.

If your marriage is strong, your whole family will be strong and you’ll be a better parent. At the end of the day, the best thing you can give your child is a good relationship with your partner so never take it for granted.

By Yalda Golsharifi

This article was published on 28/11/2016